Letting go. It’s my last task as a director and maybe one of the most complicated ones. It’s the day of the premiere, the day when my (artistic) work is over.
At the premiere, I am not allowed to interrupt anymore. In fact, I have to become superfluous. Otherwise I haven’t done a good job. It’s always the same experience but every time it hurts a bit. And it gives you freedom, too.
Being a director is a strange position where it is part of the job to remove yourself. As the artistic director of the project I was the initial spark, and I held the team together, but at the same time all techniques, methods, and exercises of staging with and for the actors was for the day when I have to move back. When I leave the production. Most directors even leave the theater after premiere. In off-theater I will simply change my position from the director to the technician, usher, and bookkeeper. Now one of the most exciting magical moments has to happen: The production must transform from my idea and wish, with which I commissioned my colleagues, to the need of the performers. Only this way can it become an astonishing performance.
I often complain about the conditions of an off-theater production: not enough money, a very small space, no technical equipment, and especially a shortage of staff. But at the same time, I am really thankful for the fact that I have to take so many tasks, which are not part of the director. Because as an usher, I can meet the spectators personally. As a technician, I can see the project grow and change by every single performance. And as a bookkeeper … well, I am not thankful for that position! But I appreciate seeing the performers have fun on stage, to seeing them transforming into someone else – maybe the figure or something in-between the character and their private selves. I cherish accompanying the project even I am not needed as a director anymore. It may hurt a bit, but I wouldn’t want to exchange my work.
Goldstaub team during the Brennender Schnee/Burning Snow production:
Jeffrey Döring – artistic director
Mariam Haas – set designer
Johana Gomez – set designer
Felix Nagl – sound designer
Iris Schwarz – motion designer
Simon Greiner – motion designer
Elmar Mellert – designer of the art book
Lisa Ströckens – soprano/ actress
Laila Richter – actress
Johannes May – actor
Pascal Zurek – bass baritone/ actor